let me hold you like I want to
by dharkephoenyx
Summary: Two years to the day. That's how long since he's held her in his arms, felt the softness of her skin, tasted the flavour of his kiss. Two years too long.:: AT Finchel.


**Prompt from tumblr: Ne-Yo's 'Lazy Love'**

**A/N: this was going to be a drabble, and then it swelled to this. As all of the drabbles from this weekend have turned out. This is an 'alternate timeline' set in the future, Finchel centric.**

**Disclaimer: Glee is not mine.**

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_let me hold you like I want to_

The last time he'd seen her was from a blurry computer screen when he'd called Kurt. She had walked into his brother's room while they were on Skype, not knowing who Kurt was talking to and froze when she realized it was him, making up an excuse and hurriedly backtracking from the room.

Every time he's called his brother since that time she's careful not to be around. Kurt keeps him updated though, lets him know how she is with school, if she's dating anyone (she never is, says she doesn't want the distraction). At least she still talks to their friends from Glee club, sends him generic happy birthday texts but beyond that, he hasn't spoken to her.

It's his fault, he knows. He understands. He hates himself a little for it, but he understands.

Two years to the day. That's how long since he's held her in his arms, felt the softness of her skin, tasted the flavour of his kiss.

Two years too long.

He really wants to see her, but he's not sure if he should, not sure if she even _wants_ to see him. He's not sure if she still loves him.

Still, he's back in Lima, and she and Kurt drove down the weekend before. Hopefully he gets to see her.

The minute he gets through customs and into arrivals and his tall figure allows him to spot the bald head and kind eyes of his stepfather, the nervous look of his mother as she wrings her hands from Burt's embrace, the impeccably dressed man fidgeting nervously from left to right, his smile stretches his face so wide it hurts.

His eyes keep moving, searching even though he doesn't _want_ to, meeting the sad chocolate-brown eyes on the face he's been love with since he finally knew what love felt like. It's like he hasn't taken a breath in two years, and as he gulps in air he suddenly never knew he needed, he smells the strawberry shampoo she always uses.

She's here.

But his heart breaks at the look on her face and Rachel gives him a small smile, hiding her body behind his brother's as he hurries over to his family.

:::

She excuses herself as soon as they get back to the Hudmel house, bowing out of the family dinner he knows without asking she was already invited to attend. She hugs Blaine tightly when he arrives, kissing his mother and promising they'll go out to dinner before she leaves for New York.

She tells Kurt she'll call him and hugs his stepfather before resting her hand gently on his shoulder as she slips quietly out the door.

"Give her time sweetie. She's hurting too."

He lifts his mother off her feet, letting her happy squeal plug the hole in his heart. Well, the empty space anyway since it just walked through his front door and away from him.

:::

He has a meeting with his CO the following Monday in Cleveland regarding his transfer to New York. Before, he was just going because of Rachel, but the city grew on him and he can study there while he works on the base in upstate New York. He's joining the Reserves while he completes sniper training. He's good at it, but he wants to teach someday, so maybe he can kill two birds with one stone.

And besides, at least he'll be in the same state as his brother and Rachel.

He misses her. Always has and maybe always will. But he meant what he said about wanting to become the man she deserves. He's trying and working damned hard to be the man he knows she'll be proud of. Together or not.

He has about a three hour drive to Cleveland and he's been up before dawn broke, listening to his parents' bustling around the house. Kurt and Rachel had driven back to New York the day before and Blaine flew back for an early meeting. He doesn't want to see anyone just yet so he lays in bed staring at the cowboy wallpaper on his wall.

He's home, he should feel happy, but, yea.

A little while later, after he hears Burt and Carole leave for the day, he gets up and makes his bed, grinning at the strangeness of his memories in this room. The Finn from two years ago would probably still be sleeping and once he gets up he'd make his way to the kitchen, make himself a bowl of cereal and fall asleep on the couch, bed still unmade, room looking like a storm blew through.

He hasn't _changed_, he's just, grown up some.

He drops to the ground and does his morning workouts, trying to keep to the schedule he's had for the past 24 months.

He's doing sit-ups when the familiar smell assaults his nose. He freezes in position, parallel to the floor as his eyes fly to the bedroom door.

Rachel is standing there, staring at him with wide eyes, her mouth open in surprise. And _something_ else.

:::

At some point – he doesn't remember who moves first, either Rachel stumbles into the room or he lurches to his feet and they sort of meet in the middle – she's in his arms and he kisses the tears from her face, peeling their clothes away and tossing them aside.

He moulds his body with hers on top of the covers, swallowing her sigh when he pushes into her.

He's impatient this second first time, holding back long enough so she can gasp out his name before he loses himself in the heat spreading from the centre of her. Afterwards, he curls himself beside her on the bed, his fingers combing through hair like silk as he recommits her face to memory.

She's the first one to break the silence, her voice like soft music when she speaks.

"I missed you."

She traces his smile with her fingers and he holds her hand in his, kissing her fingertips.

"Rachel, I'm sorry."

Her gaze moves from his lips to search his eyes and there's a lot more he wants and _needs _to say but she covers his mouth with her palm.

"I know."

He kisses her hand then closes the gap between them, covering her mouth with his, moaning when her tongue peeks out to touch his bottom lip. He loses himself in her taste, allowing her to push him onto his back. He lets her take the lead this time around, making sure to go slow, his fingers stroking the soft skin of her thighs as she quivers above him.

:::

He watches her sleep, memorizing the shape of her nose and the way her eyelashes brush against her cheek, the cupid's bow of her lips and the steady rise and fall of her chest. He's reluctant to leave, but finally the urge to go to the bathroom pulls him from the warm covers and he slips away, afraid to wake her.

He's the opposite of early for his meeting with his CO, and honestly, he doesn't care. He'll probably catch heat for missing that meeting, but hopefully he can reschedule and can deal with the slack later. He has more important things to worry about.

_Rachel_ was in the room. Asleep on his bed. She was _here._

He was so sure that she had gone back yesterday to New York with his brother. He tries to wrack his memory of his last conversation with Kurt: he was tired when he called to check in, said he was home and going to bed. But he didn't mention Rachel.

Had she stayed in Lima all this time? Did she stay because of him?

He allows hope to blossom in his chest as he steps into the shower and the heat of the water reminds him of Rachel's touch, tempting him to go wake her from sleep.

He rests his head against the shower wall, silently praying that he wasn't getting his hopes up for nothing. They still need to talk, figure out what this means and where they go from here, but she's here and she's not running away and that has to count for something.

Then for the second time that day Rachel surprises him, her nails scraping lightly across his back.

He turns around slowly, his eyes watching the water glistening on her body, following the leggy curves up to the apex at her thighs, over smooth stomach to small creamy breasts topped by rosy nipples. Her hair looks like chocolate satin against her wet skin, the olive-toned complexion rich and glowing.

She's biting her lips when his eyes reach her face, eyes smouldering as she gazes back at him.

His body, already hard from just the memory of her, tightens under her touch when her fingers reach out to trail along his stomach.

He's not sure what she sees when she looks at him but the hunger in her eyes and slightly parted swollen pink lips makes him feel like Adonis, burning away every other thought.

"Finn."

Her voice is nothing more than a whisper over the sound of the water and he pulls his gaze from her lips to meet her eyes again, his hands reaching out to settle on her hips as she steps closer to him, nipples pebbling against his chest.

He's always towered over her, her forehead brushing his chest but when she kisses the space where his heart rests, placing her palm on the opposite side of his chest, he feels twenty feet tall.

It's been their little inside joke since that first day in the school auditorium when put his hand on the wrong side of his chest to indicate his racing heart. It's hers, it's _been _hers all along and this simple act, silently shouting her forgiveness, makes it swell and pound in his chest with something more potent than love.

Rachel reaches up and smooths her fingers over his brow, blinking the water from her lashes as she smiles up at him.

"Stop worrying, will you?"

He can't help the smile on his face. He knows now what he wasn't sure of earlier: she loves - and _wants –_ him, _this, them_, still.

He grabs onto her, gripping her legs and lifts her in his arms, his heart racing, boiling his blood and heating his skin as she wraps her legs around him, pushing her hands in his wet hair to bring his lips to hers.

She pushes her tongue inside his mouth, humming when his hardness stirs against her belly. His hands roam over her back, cupping her bottom as she presses her chest against him.

She kisses him harder, rubbing herself against him, making him grunt into her mouth, her body warming the water as it falls over them. She tugs at his hair impatiently and he spins them around, pressing her back into the shower wall, his hand hot on her skin as he spreads her thighs and impales on her his hardness.

She cries out and he moves his hand to the back of her head just as she flings it backwards.

"Baby."

He grunts and she moans, pushing herself back on the wall, raising her hips as he pulls out, purring when he pushes back inside her.

He licks the water from her chest, up to her neck, nipping behind her ear as she scratches at his back. He hisses as she digs her nails into his back when he plunges into her again. She pulls his head away from her neck, staring into his eyes then dropping her gaze to look down where their bodies are joined.

He watches the rivulets of water as they trail down her chest, sliding over the twin peaks, down her stomach to disappear into the soft curls of her lower body, smiling at the blush spreading over her body and creeping over her breasts. She bites her lips, her eyelashes fluttering over her cheeks and she grips on tighter to his arms, the same time her body clamps down onto his, shivering.

He presses her into the shower wall, his hips moving faster and faster. He leans forward and coaxes her lips apart with his tongue, swallowing her moan right as her body shudders through her orgasm.

He growls as she pulls him over the edge with her, her lips hard and insistent against his. He pants her name as he falls over, feeling her smile against his skin. They stand there pressed chest to chest as he kisses her softly while their heartbeats settle, climbing down slowly from their shared bliss.

:::

He lays beside her, his arm under her head, legs tangled together, one hand in her hair, the other entwined with hers atop his chest. She's still smiling against his skin, blowing gentle breaths against him every time she speaks.

"I thought you'd gone back to New York."

"I couldn't go. I spent too long being mad, it was exhausting." She sighs and runs her fingers lazily over his chest. "I didn't want to leave without talking to you. I mean, I didn't know what to say to you the other day. Didn't want to say anything I'd regret."

His hand in her hair pauses. "And now?" He chokes out.

She tilts her head up, tapping his chin with their entwined hands.

"Now I know I still love you and I understand why you had to do what you did. I still don't like it, but I understand." She says softly.

He dares to breathe again, feeling his mouth curve into a smile.

Rachel taps the dimple in his cheek and sighs.

"I missed this. I dreamed about it. I don't want to go that long again not being able to see you smile."

He smiles gets even wider and he pulls her to him to kiss her nose.

"I'm transferring to New York."

"I know."

He pulls back to look at her.

"Kurt." She offers with a smile. "He called to reschedule your meeting earlier today with your CO after he convinced me to at least try and talk to you."

He chuckles and drops his head back onto the pillow.

"He just can't mind his own business, can he?"

She taps his cheek with a finger. "You're his brother Finn. He just wants you to be happy."

He grabs her hand and kisses her finger, pulling her body closer to his.

"Now I am."

He feels the heat of her blush against his cheek and strokes her hair again.

"Thank you."

He counts to thirteen before she speaks again.

"For what?"

"For letting me love you. For still loving me."

She bends over and presses her lips to his chest. "Don't think you're getting off so easily. You still have to make it up to me."

He chuckles and rolls her onto her back, pulling her hands over her head. He kisses each eyelid, her nose, on either side of her mouth, her chin, nipping a trail down her neck, licking his way down her chest before kissing the space over her heart.

"Every day until forever." He whispers looking up at her.

She snorts in laughter and covers her mouth. "You sound like a Hallmark card."

He drops his head on her chest as he laughs. "I'm trying to go for serious romantic here."

"I know, I'm sorry." She giggles again.

He strokes his thumb down her side, skimming his nose under her breast.

She blinks down at him then curves her palm on his cheek and nods. "I know."

He kisses each breast, dragging his tongue over her body, swirling around and dipping in her belly button before making his way down to her waist, softly biting her at her hips.

She grips onto his hand, gasping as he nips at the inside of her thigh, nudging her legs apart and trailing his fingers down to the back of her knee. He kisses her sweet, soft flesh, her taste exploding on his tongue as he makes good on his promise on forever.

Rachel bucks up into his mouth, pushing her hands into his hair, tugging on his ear as she mewls his name.

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**A/N2: Another one shot that exploded from a drabble, my attempt at Ne-Yo's 'Lazy Love'. Likey?**


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